“WOW, you travel by yourself?”
“Are you in a relationship?” ………No, I'm not.
“Well, that's a RELIEF for you. Take advantage of that BEFORE you get a man.”
Ladies, have you ever had a conversation like this? I get it from several people on a weekly basis about my hobby-turned-profession. I get so captivated by travel that I usually (pretty much 9 times out of 10) forget about relationships…….until someone wrenches it in my face a.k.a. killin' my vibe. Don’t get me wrong, I will eventually come to a point where I can see myself loving someone special. Back to the question: Is it possible to have a stable relationship while traveling solo? In my opinion, I believe that all things are possible…as long as there is trust, patience, and commitment. I do have pinpoints to help you navigate through this love course. (I mean, who doesn’t like lists?!)
The Solo Traveler’s 5 Guidelines to Love
Disclaimer: Every outcome is different. I’m not a licensed coach/adviser. I’m just a woman telling it how it is, ladies.
Establish your interests. Every building needs a steady, firm foundation to support it...or the building will fall. You’ve heard the cliché before, but it is important. How many situations have you been in where you’ve said, “I wish they would’ve told me at first.” The smallest detail can affect your life in a huge way. If you are a frequent traveler, (averaging 6-10 trips per year), SAY IT in one of your get-to-know-me questionnaire dates. If your love interest is understanding and accepting, that’s a win. If your love interest wants to be with you more, both of you can negotiate times together around your traveling (probably knocking you down to 3-5 trips). If your love interest is a solo traveler too, that's a double win! For the best atmosphere setting, I suggest after 5 p.m. because your body starts to relax and feels comfortable to be open. A local coffee shop, the park, or a nicely, lit place with a low noise level are great places where you can look at each other and be able to listen clearly. Avoid movies, concerts, and places where YOU KNOW you will get distracted! This is where both of you are the center of attention.
Discover what type of lover you and your love interest are. There is a great book that I recommend to everyone that is interested in knowing more about themselves and potential lover's love language. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman explains five ways (gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch) on how you express and experience love. You can take a free test assessment that will give you a deeper understanding of your emotional communication preference. It will explain your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect and deepen your relationships with others. For example, if your primary love language is words of affirmation and your partner is gift giving; you would accommodate to your partner’s language by giving them items that you would get from all your trips and your partner would tell you words of affirmation such as, ‘ You are amazing!”, “You are the best thing that ever happened to me!”, “You can get that free plane ticket from United!” (Sorry, I had to get that one in, a girl can dream right lol.) etc.
Stay in consistent contact. Especially if you love to be international. Everyone wants to feel cared for and thought of by someone. If you are saying ‘no’, you’re lying to yourself. Period. If I text you “Good morning love, have a great day.” You’re going to smile. Consistency is one of the building blocks to trust and love. I’m not saying text them every 25 minutes and call every hour << Creep Squad. With me, a “Good morning”, mid-day “How are you?” and “Goodnight” is totally fine with me. There are great ways to stay in contact with FREE PHONE AND VIDEO phone apps (the apps will use your internet connection, free Wi-Fi hotspots are your BEST FRIEND). Viber and WhatsApp Messenger (what I use) are two of my favorite apps because you have free phone calls, text, video, and group chats for domestic and international people, but you have to make sure your partner downloads the app for the free advantages. Both of them are available through Apple iOS and Android store.
Make those times together special. You’ve been away in London and Spain for nearly 2 weeks. A movie and dinner at Red Lobster will not always work to something special. Girl, you are cultured now and you are not boring! You have experienced different cuisines and activities from a different place on the opposite side of the world, bring some of that in! Step outside of the norm, whether if it’s sushi making or a pottery sculpting class. Make it memorable. Groupon has great discount deals and coupons under the ‘Things To Do' section to help you get more creative with your love. My favorite section is Groupon Getaways (of course!), where you can go on cruises, stay for two at a secluded, posh resort, and so much more with great discounts. Most of the deals have great perks: included food/drink credit for restaurants on-site, guided tours, and accommodations. Before booking, please read the fine print, things are not always included in the price such as cancellation and daily hotel/resort fees, damage waivers, non-refundable after a certain amount of days...just to name a few. Eventbrite is also a great hub for getting into events (and free events) in your area. The top categories they have are music, food/drink, classes, arts, and parties. They have something for everyone, every day.
Get some alone time....mentally and spiritually. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Growth is not only for you but also for your partner. This is the time to recollect yourself and work on your inner being. Meditation is a key to tuning into yourself. Most people think about yoga and praying when it comes to meditation, (if that’s your thing, go for it!). Journaling, taking a walk, painting, going to the beach, and cooking are just a few simple meditation activities. Just concentrate on the following questions while you meditate, “How can I make myself better?”, “What personal goals do I need to accomplish?”, and “How can I elevate my relationship with myself and others?”. When you and your partner go through that personal time, talk about it with each other. You are not only making yourselves stronger, you are making the relationship stronger.
That is for my solo girl ready to give it a go! For my solo girl content in her singlehood or waiting for the right time to settle, don’t take in the pressure of the world pushing you into a relationship.
You are not less of a woman if you choose not to settle. Again, for my people in the back. You are NOT LESS of a woman if you choose not to settle.
The world has its standards, but you do too. You can experience love in different ways. Do what’s best for your life!
What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s possible to have a stable relationship while traveling solo?
Be sure to comment below with your experiences!